Only They Know
by LexieAnge
Summary: some DA:O and lots DA2.She stood there watching him walk away from everything they wanted. This is how she dealt with it. This is the stuff that Varric didn't put in for the seeker. It is the story behind their legend. fluffy, violence, f!hawke/fenris
1. Chapter 1

Only they know

bioware owns dragon age 2. If i did there would be more loving Fenris moments.

Chapter 1

The first time he saw her, he was captivated by her sky blue eye, night black hair and rose red lips. She was what he dreamed him savior would look like. Everything he wanted in a woman. Save the staff. This woman was a mage. Not a Circle mage, an apostate. The Creator, the Maker and the Stone had a funny sense of humor. The second thing that he noticed was her kindness despite his anti-mage views. She went out of her way to befriend and help him. When she smiled at him he thought for a moment that he could be free with her.

Fenris do you really love her or is it the fact she saved you from hell? He would ask himself as he watched her sleep. She had been the one to take down the slavers, and Hadriana. Sure Fenris crushed Hadriana's heart much like she had down his. Alexandra Hawke was unlike Hadriana in one way. She never wanted anything from him. Hawke gave so much. The ability to read common, the food on his table, clothing on his back, and the companionship that he had never known as a slave.

How could he not love her? Hawke paid him to take out his frustrations out on thugs, slavers and blood mages. Hawke was there with him the whole time. The whole time only one thing holding him back. That staff. There was always the chance that she would become one of these blood mages she hated so much. "One bad apple." She would say. Hawke is strong in body and mind, skilled, sharp tongued when angered, smelled of wild flowers.

She made Fenris think when she flirted with him. He would remind her that he is a ex-slave. She would tell him she didn't care. She was a mage. "Does that bother you?" At that moment it didn't. Right then he wanted to show her how much he didn't care. He would have worshiped her that night is her trusty Dwarf had not been on time for Diamondback. Hawke had left then. She knew that this was the male bonding time so did not invite herself to the game. This time she left money on the table, whispering good luck in his ear.

Why was he her green eyed angel? As a child Hawke and Bethany would talk about the perfect man before sending a prayer to Andrasta. At that point all she had ever wanted was someone to protect her. Her father was gone to sit with the Maker. She knew that she was going to have to be strong so her prayer was to get someone that would give her a rest. A man, Elf for agility, hair the color of snow, eyes the colors of the fields around her home, strong arms to hold her tight. It was a girly fantasy that came true when she got to Kirkwall. A shame Bethany never got to meet him. She would have said it was perfect timing.

"Maker has blessed you." Bethany said in Hawke's dreams after the first night beside Fenris. Hawke had made the mistake, drunk, to tell Aveline and Merril about the dream. Merril then told Varric on one of their outings.

At the Harvest celebration Varric made her wear a gorgeous dress that screamed money. Then made Fenris wear a suit with feathered wings. Hawke and Fenris were pushed into a slow dance. A good thing that Hadriana had taught him. They were the talk of the town for weeks. On the way home Fenris asked her to take the wings off him. She teared up.

"Don't cry Hawke." He started to reach for her but she pulled away.

"You are my green eyed angel. I can't ground you." She said in her drunkenness. "Someday you will return to the Maker and leave me alone again."

"Though my wings are off they will always be there." She kissed him. Turning home. In the end she still couldn't do it. In the morning He called on her and she appeared not the know what he was talking about. as it the conversation never happened. He would have asked her why an angel.

Standing back watching it all Varric had hoped that the costume party at the Hanged Man would have brought them together but instead it seemed to drive them apart. What was holding Hawke back? Fenris was obvious. That damn staff she carried laid between them. Their trusty dwarf needed to get that wooden stick out of the picture. "Really it is clear as day that they are in love." Varric said one night to Merril. "I mean it is so stupid." He should have know. He had seen love and how it tears out hearts. He would jest but he wasn't going to let what happen to him happen to any one else that he liked.

"You look tired Hawke. Why don't you go lay down take a nap?" After a visit with Fenris, Hawke always looked exhausted. As if she had been on guard for the city for 2 days. "Bethany?" Varric asked.

"Hmm what Varric?" She wasn't listening. That far away look again as it she was living in the past or seeing the future. Never in the here and now where she needed to be. "Are we ready to see the prince now?"

"Sebastian is waiting for us at the chantry. He is on night duty so time is not an issue." Varric said passing the Vael family locket to Hawke. It was a pretty little thing with a picture of both Vael princes.

"Have you noticed that we can have three years of calm and the first time that I go and visit with out friends on the anniversary of the day we met all fade brakes loose?" Varric had a similar notion. It was as if the world was giving her a day off. The problem is that she didn't know what to do with it.

"Who do you want to go with you?" Anders asked walking in the suite. It was the chantry. Anders wouldn't want to go but his overwhelming need to protect her was over riding. Did Justice have a thing for Hawke? Varric wondered.

"Merril, Isabella, Aveline are coming with me. You boys play games." She said leaving as Aveline and Donnic appeared. Merril and Isabella showed up at the the chantry courtyard at the same time. They had passed Fenris on the way and brought him too.

The second Fenris was in the moon light Hawke could not stop staring. "Ever dream like." Isabella said. That had gotten Hawke out of the trance. She lead the girls inside. Sebastian was an honest to Maker prince. Handsome some might say with this aura of childishness that threw Hawke off. How woman in the world would not want a prince for a lover. So what was wrong with her? She would rather have a slave that loved her more than all the sovereign on all Starkhaven.

"Mother's locket?" The prince was on the edge of tears. She understood. Hawke still wore the bracelet her sister had made the year of the Blight. "You have no idea how wonderful it is to see this."

"I can guess." She smiled. "I have to go. "

"Wait." Sebastian spun her around kissing her hard. "Thank you Hawke. I will never forget this." She felt nothing in that kiss. The guilt though nagged at her. Fenris has seen it. Oh Maker Fenris had seen another man kiss her. She could see it in Fenris' eyes as he left for some air.

The girls all headed back to the Hanged Man while Hawke decided to take Varric suggestion of rest. There would be no sleep for her this night. What Fenris must think of her. She didn't ask for the kiss. Nor had she enjoyed it. All she wanted was Fenris. She would wait until the day she died if she needed to. Then she walked into her home. Fenris was on the bench in the front foyer.

"Fenris?"

"I've been thinking about you." She blinked as he stalked over. He was jealous? His calm was gone and his green eyes begged for her as a man in the dessert. "In fact i can think of little else. Command me to go and I shall." Her hand clenched at her side. This was not happening. As much as she wanted it this is all a dream. She was really asleep on Varric's bed.

"Did I say anything?" His hand went in her hair pulling her into him. The kiss ignited a fire. That fire consumed them. When they broke for air she turned him against the wall which made him smile. "Sorry." Her hands went to the wall.

Why was she not touching him? Fenris knew that she wanted to but why wouldn't she? "I can't take it any more." His gauntlets tightened on her ass as he picked her up. Her legs went around his waist. Her arms held on to his armor as he kissed her neck.

"Am I heavy?"She asked moaning. He growled into her neck. She was making such sounds for him. She enjoyed him. "I can walk."

"Shut up Alexandra." Her body relaxed. This was a dream. There was no way that this woman would love an elf when she had a prince. When Fenris tossed her to her bed she giggled. That gave him pleasure. Could he truly make her happy? "Lay still." He commanded. Fenris slowly took her clothes off her kissing every inch of skin. "You are maker sent aren't you?"

"Nope that is you." She sat up. "My turn." Never with Hadriana had he experienced this much joy. Hawke's tongue traced all the lines on his skin making then tingle happily. That pain was vanishing. His eyes were closed as her lips locked around him. He had been forced to do this for so many of Danarius' friends so it was odd that she was doing it to him. That didn't stop Fenris from taking the pleasure she offered.

"Did you want me up top or the bottom?" She asked in his ear. In second he was in her. Her moans were loud. The whole house would know what they were doing and Fenris didn't care. Let them hear. Together they had the first of many little deaths.


	2. Chapter 2

Only They Knew

bioware owns dragon age 2. If i did there would be more loving Fenris moments.

Chapter 2

The clang of metal on metal woke her. He was not beside her. Maybe it was all a dream. She sighed then heard a groan. Fenris stood there leaning over the fire. He was here and she was naked. Oh shit. She thought. Play with it. Don't let him upset. "Was it really that bad?"

"No it was fine." Fine? Really? What had she down wrong? He seemed to enjoy making love to her. Or was that part of the dream? "No fine is insuffient. It was better than anything i have ever dreamed." Her heart stopped. Fenris was happy but there was something pulling him away.

"We walk a fragile line Fenris. If you need time I will abide by your wishes." She said sitting up.

"That is the issue. Something has gone terrible wrong. The floor around the line broke. You are everything I have ever wanted but I can't let you fall into the hands of Danarius. As I fall I can see him standing there ready to catch us in his web. When you say things like that I want nothing more than to kiss you. You are far better than I deserve."

"You are the man I love Fenris. If a person is not kind to the one they love than that is not love." She used her father's words. Never in he life did she think she would. That boy had wanted to use her for her power. This man just wanted freedom. It didn't matter how. Hawke needed to give him that.

"I feel like such the fool. Forgive me." There was nothing that she could say. There was nothing to forgive. Hawke should have seen this coming. He has been hurt for too long. If there was any kindness in his life it was long since vanished.

"There is nothing to forgive." That didn't even slow down his steps. She heard the deep tones of Bohdan greeting the elf then the front door closing. Her mother was at the door. "I am sorry to wake you Mother." She said.

Leandra had seen that same face many years ago with Hawke's father. The love that could not be without help. Why was it all Amell woman love the wrong men? That was when her grown daughter burst out in tears. "Oh my darling."

"I never thought I would see the day that Fenris was on the edge of tears. I made it so. Me! I love him and I hurt him. This is my fault." Orana brought her mistress a robe. Leandra thanked her. The elf stood here beside herself. There had been a tear on Ser Fenris' face as he left. Now her mistress was crying. Orana knew why Ser Fenris pulled away but in her eyes he should have trusted Mistress Hawke more. Nothing is worth tearing each other's hearts out. Not even a Master that didn't really care one way or another.

Sure Danarius wanted Ser Fenris back. He was well skilled, intelligent as well loyal. The powers that Fenris got from this ancient elven ritual could be surpassed by no one. That alone was the reason for the slave hunt. Orana knew, trusted that Mistress Hawke would never let their former master have either of them.

That night Hawke went to the Hanged Man. No one asked questions about her blood shot eyes and she was grateful for that. "Alright let's get this meeting started." Anders said sitting in Fenris' chair. Fenris always sat with himself between her and the door. Varric sat at the head. Then Merril, Anders, Isabella. on Hawke's side. Herself, Fenris, Sabastian, Aveline.

"Got a date tonight Anders?" Hawke joked. "We will wait for Fenris." Isabella groaned.

"It is strange that he is late." Aveline said. Could it be last night that makes him late now? "Didn't he pick you up Alex?" Isabella slamed her mug down. The pirate was clearly frustrated.

"Isabella." Varric warned.

"No Varric. He made you vow. Not me. I can't sit here while that bastard makes her wait." Hawke perked up. What had Fenris made Varric vow?

"It is not our place Isabella. If he wanted to tell her he would have." Anders said. Moving back to his spot for a book he kept on his seat. Aveline jumped in taking his spot to hear better.

"What are you babbling about?" Aveline asked before Hawke could.

"Fenris left this morning on the morning tide for Tervinter." Merril blurted out. She slid a small black velvet bag. "He asked me to tell her in private but now that there is such a big fuss over it." Hawke stopped breathing. There was no way that he would have gone back. Not back to Danarius. Not with out her.

"Didn't he just confess to you?" The look that Hawke gave her adopted older sister made aveline hug her. "Maker that dumb ass."

"I am okay, Ave. Really. I knew that this was coming." The guard captain pulled away. "I thought that he would take me with him but evidently not. It was his choice."

"Still-" Hawke put up a finger. "Down to business then?"

"The vicount's son Seamus has been kidnapped. It seems by the Qunari." Varric said.

"He probably left on his own again." Hawke scoffed. "So we have to go see Bran?" The dwarf nodded. "That man doesn't like me. I don't know why. I am charming and beautiful. Men should fall at my feet." The only one that laughed at that was Varric. "Okay Anders, Varric and Merril you are with me. The rest of you see if you can find any more about this White Lily Killer. We haven't heard anything from him in a while and i am getting worried."

It took most of the night but Hawke found Seamus. In the chantry praying. "I don't like this." There was something that wasn't right. Had the Qunari rejected him? Could they? It is not the Arishok's roll to reject converts. Why was he in the Chantry praying to something he didn't believe in? The blood on the carpet did nothing for Hawke's confidence. Seamus was dead. Now she had to go tell the Viscount. As the body fell over Hawke saw Sister Petrice.

"Serah Hawke, look at what you have done." Hawke took a deep breath killing in the chantry was not on her list of sins to commit today. "To punce upon the Viscounts son, a recent convert in the chantry itself? A crime with no excuse." Hawke stood up. The bitch was going to have to pay for this. Seamus was a good boy. As the woman rattled on about how horrible the Qunari were and how great she was Hawke clenched her staff tighter.

"This is a great plan until people start dying in a war with the Qunari."

"To die untested would be the real crime."

"We are backing you Hawke no matter what." Varric whispered. They were out of site of the corrupt sister. Maybe that would give Hawke the upper hand. No doubt Petrice was being followed by numberous templars that followed her every word. Maker how she hated stupid crazy zealots.

"These heretics must die." That was when the fighting started. It ended with Hawke seening Elthia walking down the stairs with Petrice behind her. Shit how was Petrice going to explain this? How was Hawke?

"It is as you predicted. All too well." Thank the Maker that Elthia was not a stupid woman. She knew that Petrice was up to something. This was their only chance to get rid of the Sister now.

"Quick she is on to you Petrice. Lie Harder maybe you can get away still." Hawke smiled.

"I have ears Mother Petrice. The Maker would have me use them." After all that had happened in the last 24 hours Hawke was glad that something was going right. But Petrice a Mother? Who the Fade would promote this insane daughter of a whore? "Serah Hawke is it?"

"The Viscount's sone is dead up there. Killed in your name."

"I'm sure my name won't like that." And she was funny. Got to love this woman. "Petrice?" The woman rambled but Hawke saw the Grand Cleric wasn't believing a word of it.

"A blinde nug could see that she took this too far." That was the last straw. Everyone could see that was the final straw for Petrice.

"A court will decide her fate." Elthia said turning to leave after hearing all she needed form the shamed cleric. From the look on Petrice's face she had not expected Elthia to side with Hawke. Aveline moved forward to shackle the young mother. They all watched in horror as an arrow, not Bianca's pierced the heart of the cleric. A Qunari hunter had followed them. Hawke could do nothing as he pulled back and shot one into her head.

"We protect those of the Qun. We do not abandon our own." He spoke but Hawke knew that was a message for her from the Arishok.

"Please," Hawke turned to Elthia. She looked weary. Tired of all the fighting unable to stop it. Unable to join a side. Sadden by the loss of life. This is why the people of Kirkwall loved her. "Send for Viscount Dumar." Merril ran right there and in moments returned with the equally weary ruler of the city.

Hawke could not watch as the man cried over his son. Nothing she could say would fill the void. She just hoped nothing like this would happen to her. that she wouldn't cry over the death of a loved one again. Bethany, Carver. Gone. The twins were her life. Everything she did was for them. Nothing would fill that void. Now Fenris was gone too. All that was left was Aveline and Mother. Maker help anyone that tried to take them away from her too.


	3. Chapter 3

Only They Knew

bioware owns dragon age 2. If i did there would be more loving Fenris moments. Thanks for all the alerts guys and girls. I hope you like this chapter.

Chapter 3

News of the Viscount's own son being killed spread fast. Some stories were that the Qunari did it. Others that Hawke herself killed the boy. Nothing could stop the coming storm. War would start no matter what she said. That is not where the night led Hawke.

The door was never locked. Even though she had found the spare key. Why is it that he didn't care? This was his home. Fenris never had fires going in any room but the one that she would spend the most time in. He didn't care for the heat. Hawke however needed the heat. Too many Ferelden winters. Normally he would come greet her.

The only one that he would. For the rest of their friends he would stand at the top of the stairs, sword in hand, in the main room, lord of his manor. Tonight there was not avenging angel lit by moonlight in the main room. No fire in his room. No candles on the table and mantle. Hawke went to the desk to find a single candle left in the drawer, a box of matches and an envelope with her name on it.

Hawke being a praticle woman lit the candle then started to build a fire before pulling over she chair to the fire. Yes this was her chair. It want big enough that they could both sit there to read by firelight. On her chair was a pile of clothes that were Fenris' sleeping cloths. She smiled at that black silk shirt.

When she saw a mouse in his house for the first time she has squealed grabbing at him. In doing so she tore the top four buttons out. She promised that she would fix them. She had tried. Then she had failed. They were crooked, upside down and the wrong color thread. Over all a child could have done better. Fenris never complained. He did smile at her and say at least one of them will be a good wife.

Now here she was. Not a wife. Alone in a home that was not her own. Without the strong arms that protected her from villains as well as rodents. Her whole body seemed to ache for the loss. How could he not feel like this in this dark place? A mouse scurried in front of the fireplace, stopped to seem to answer that question.

"They are more intelligent conversationalist than someone I know." He teased after she spent a night drinking at the Hanged Man. The night in question was her birthday. She met Varric drink for drink, story for story. The only one that could. Hawke had needed that night. By the end of that night she had spent more gold than she could remember spending in one shot save on armor, worshiped the outhouse and flirted shamelessly with Fenris.

That night as he dropped her off in her house He had reached for her. Naked, strong gentle hands grazed her cheeks. As his thumb sent tingles down her spine by going across her lips his eyes looked so hurt. Something was tearing him up inside but he wouldn't talk about it. As if he had done something wrong he pulled away. "I need some-" He looked back at her. "air."

Then as now she held herself as she cried. Not full sobs but the tears of loss. The one good thing that she experienced since the Blight and it was over. "Fool of a man." She said to the mouse. The mouse squeaked at her. That was when she remembered that she was holding the letter, his clothes, and the bag that Merril gave her.

Opening the bag her breath was caught. The shinning green gem was encased in spiderweb silver stands on a long silver chain. "Oh Maker. I don't deserve something like this." Spending time with Varric gave her some appraisal skills. This was at least a 6 sovereign gem, 2 more for the silver. The enchantments that were on it screamed Sandal. "It's lovely."

"I had hoped that you would like it." Hawke spun to where the voice was. There was nothing. A curtain blew with the wind. There was nothing but darkness on this moonless night. Hawke got up to close the window. She smirked to herself as she looked down to her house. She really needed curtains. From here Fenris could see into her room. He could keep her safe here too.

Hawke put the pendant on before closing the windows and the curtains. Taking one more look around the room Hawke signed. "I love it by the way. I will cherish it always." She saw him in the chair. Was she finally going crazy?

"I don't deserve that kindness." She sat on the floor looking up at him.

"I know that you are not really here. I have finally cracked and you are just haunting me." She said opening the letter. It was simple since his writing was never all that great. The lessons were going slowly. Fenris didn't have the patience for it. As he got more and more frustrated the pencil or quill would break. Hawke smiled remembering how she teased him that night about it. Now she could only read the two lines.

_"When I kill Danarius I will return to you. Please wait for me."_

She looked up at the ghost. "You are my soul. Maker gave you to me. Bethany told me so. You can't die while you are on this mission." The ghost moved to the floor where she sat not touching her. "I love you. I know that you are not gone. I thought that you would never leave me. I thought that you loved me. I thought that you knew that i would do anything for you."

"Why are you not in love with Anders, Alexandra?" The ghost questioned searching her eyes.

"He would try to take away the pain and he might make me smile but he would only want me on his side for his mage rebellion. You expect nothing of me." She smiled. "Only that I will become an abomination. But I will gladly fail at that one." The ghost smiled. She reached for the ghost. "I am a mage. I have lived my life having people hate me. When I met you you were just another person. As I got to know you I understood you. Then you told me you loved me. I was your slave from then on."

The ghost shed a tear. "In this world there is real and the fade. You are so fade like. When I touch you i think that i will wake at the foot of Danarius' bed or chained to Hadriana's. No matter how hard I try i can't escape that. I will never have what I want."

"What is it that you want ghost?" She reached for him before dropping her hands. To touch him would know that he is not really here.

"You as my wife. Little girls fighting with swords and magic. A home that is filled with love."

"Not falling apart I hope" She joked when she saw the sadness in the ghost's eyes.

"What is it that you want from me, Alexandra?" The way he whispered her name was heart stopping. Regret, love and fear all in the one little word.

"For you to say my name. To touch your hair. To give you the life that you want." She never broke his gaze. "I would gladly give you anything that you want at your pace if you were here, But you are not. You are haunting me from Tervinter." Her eyes welled up. "I never got to say this to you while you were here. Now I may never. You can't die on me Fenris."

The ghost took he in his arms. His lips crushed hers. He was real. He was here.


	4. Chapter 4

Only They Knew

bioware owns dragon age 2. If i did there would be more loving Fenris moments.

Chapter 4

And then he was gone again. Hawke remembered him asking for forgiveness then silence. She woke in his shirt to the loud deep voice of her dwarf. "Did you see the error of your ways, Elf?" Hawke ran to the steps to see the door close as the dwarf looked confused. Her legs wouldn't hold her up any more. She held on the balcony as she cried. "Hawke?"

"He is really gone this time."

"He was just here." She shook her head. "What happened?"

"He has gone off to kill or be killed by Danarius. Either way he won't be back." The dwarf pulled the human woman into his arms. Part of her soul was gone now. Varric knew that feeling well. There was still a chance that Fenris would be back. He had to have faith in that. Even if Hawke didn't Varric knew the two of them well enough that he knew that one way or another Fenris would be back to make her smile again with his grumbling about corrupt mages.

"Come on let's get you home."

It took an hour but he got her in her bed. Orana said that she would look after their leader while he went to get Aveline. The second that Aveline walked in the door they all knew that she was in the angry phase of loss. Half the day she shouted about how stupid he was for not taking her, for not trusting her. Aveline took it all in as any good sister would. Until Alexandra stood by the fire exhausted. She had been silent for 20 minutes. That made Aveline worry.

"He will come back when Danarius is dead right?"

"Fenris is loyal like a wolf. Wolves and Hounds once bound to someone they are only loyal to that other soul." There is a lot of talk about souls. Hawke thought. Were they really that bound to each other? Would he be back to get his other half then? "Hawks are the same."

"Mother loves father still. You still love Wesley. Should I take a page from your book?" Aveline could do nothing to ease the hurt in her adoptive little sister. "Is anything going to fill this void?"

"Fenris is not dead. Have faith that he will come back to us." Leaving the house Aveline knew she had to get that damn elf back here before he really did die. the problem is that they would hate her for it. She would just have to wait for him. Once Fenris got back Aveline was going to give him a piece of her mind. How dare he make Alexandra cry like this.

And another year passed. So much to change in the year. Quintin killing all the women including her mother just to bring back his dead wife. There was no rest after that. She dueled and killed the Arishok. Her body was there to be Maid of Honor for Aveline's wedding. She was going through the motions but she was broken. It took Aveline's whole patience to not slap her. Then Aveline did it.

Hawke seemed to be on a mission after that. Then she hunted down some slavers. They never knew what hit them. Only one was left alive. They all watched in shock as she tortured the man. This was not the Hawke they knew. Isabella and Anders were with her when Hawke snapped out of her phase. Isabella looked at her and said "That is good Hawke. Even Fenris would be proud." That brought back the fun loving Hawke they all knew and loved.

That was until Anders found the ritual that Danarius used to mark Fenris.

"Keeper Marithari, I have a few questions for you?" Was how she lead into this conversation.

Now Hawke lays in a bath tube filled with water and Lyrium out cold from using too much magic. The day had started with the morning meeting at The Hanged Man. "I tell you he is there. I just got the message from the Siren's Calling." Hawke sat at her normal chair beside Varric with her breakfast.

"Isabella." Varric warned.

"Hawke he is back." Varric groaned. Isabella noticed no changes.

"Tell me it King Alistair has decided to take over Kirkwall." In Hawke's mind she knew that was not what Isabella was talking about but she was done chasing rumors spouted by the Pirate queen.

"No!" The pirate queen pulled Hawke from her chair. "Damn you woman. The man that you love is on my ship and you act as if nothing was happening." Hawke just smiled. "Get out of that armor now."

"Isabella I don't think that one of your dresses is really going to help right now. There is other things that need to be dealt with." That got her a glare. "If he wants to see me he will come to me."

"And if this is just a supply run? What if he is waiting for you to stop him?"

"Fenris is a free man."

"Even free man need to be tied down by a woman." Hawke just conceded then. Nothing was going to stop Isabella from getting her way. The dress that Isabella bulled out was not something that the pirate had ever seen in before.

"It is a gorgeous dress. Where did you get it from?" Hawke fingered the silk.

"It is my wedding dress." Hawke saw that same look Varric had when talking about Bianca, Aveline about Wesley and didn't push it. Isabella froze. "He is not going to like this?" Isabella fingered the bandage around Hawke's waist.

"I did it to keep us safe. Not to make him happy." Hawke gave Isabella a look. "Why would you care?"

"We just got the old Hawke back." There was nothing that Hawke could say to that. "Put it on." The dress was low scoop in the front but covered all the back. The hem fell to her toes. Isabella pulled out the shoes too.

"You girls are taking too long. The ship docks in twenty minutes." Varric pulled Hawke down to the bed cut the ends off two bolts then put them in her hair. "There no let's go."

The closer to the docks the more Hawke began to question if this was a good idea. First to herself then out loud. When she saw the white sails with the Siren on it she tried to leave. Varric was holding her hand. The gang plank went down. "Remember just breath." Isabella said.

"If he breaks her again I will kill him." She heard as a whisper on the wind. They were right. She wouldn't be able to handle it if he rejected her again. Especially not after Isabella pulled out her wedding dress. Their friends loved her a great deal.

Fenris was the last to disembark. He was forces to listen to the sailors talk about a woman on the dock as if she was a piece of meat or a goddess. One had decided that he was going to talk to her. After the voyage he had he would understand. The couple in the cabin above him had a woman that sounded like Hawke when she was excited. He would give anything to see her but after how he left he would be lucky if she even wanted for his sword any more.

The men laughed as the woman gave a little wave to someone undefined. That teal dress made the woman they were all talking about look like something from the fade. The wind was blowing just so the dress blew around her as wings. The black hair in long curls pinned in with two sticks. She gave a smile. She was waiting for someone off this boat. Then Fenris saw Varric. The dream woman was Hawke. Alexandra Hawke was in a gown that was suited for a queen. Her smile didn't fade even when the men came up to her.

"You must be a mage. You stole my heart with your magic. How about you take me back and you do that voodoo you do so well." In a flash a silverite weapon was at the throat of the man. He was on the ground. Part of Fenris laughed that his Hawke was still the same. The other part realized that it was a sword. He then feared for his life. Wait a sword?

"I get that you don't know who I am. That is the only think that is keeping you alive." The man smelled of piss the closer Fenris got to her. "I suggest you learn some respect for women."

"Who the Fade are you?" The prone man's friend asked.

"Alexandra Hawke. The most powerful woman in Kirkwall." Fenris said with a smirk. "You will never know how you died if she finds you disrespect a woman again." Then men stood watching.

"Scion Alexandra Hawke now. You have been gone a long time Fenris." He bowed to kiss the hand that wasn't holding the sword.

"I am home my lady." She reached for him. He had thought this was a supply stop that he wouldn't have to go farther than the docks but she was here showing him how great she was. "I never thought that I would see a creature from the Fade here though."

"I see your flattery has gotten better. Meet an Orlesian lady to teach you?" She smiled but there was jealousy there. Fenris stood up. Maker had he missed her. "Welcome-" His lips crushed hers. She jumped into his arms. This was where he wanted to be. Not hunting down some blood mage. "Home." She finished when they broke for air. Their foreheads stayed together.

"I will not leave again."

"You Knife Ear fucking bitch!" The man bellowed. "He is just a slave. That is nothing compared to a real man. I should show you."


	5. Chapter 5

ONLY THEY KNOW

Bioware owns dragon age 2.

If i did there would be more loving Fenris moments.

AN: I made some changes to the chapter before I started to write the next one. Please reread. Love you all.

Chapter 5

"Call him an knife ear slave again and I will gut you." If that man was scared of her before he was now. Hawke had taken down the attackers without killing them in 3 blows. Not even a drop of blood on her. Had that dream she had come true? Was she a warrior now? Fenris watched her put the sword on a harness that was on her back. That is why he hadn't noticed it before. "I am sorry Fenris. I didn't want your home coming to be ruined like this."

"Is this really my home?" He shouldn't doubt her for fear of her blade. That kiss though. There was a horrible sadness in it.

"Well yeah. You know that you have a home, friends and -" She looked to him sheepishly. Those blue eyes had haunted his dreams but now they never looks so perfect. She was being so kissable again. Damn her. Fenris thought. "Me. You will always be welcome here."

"That is enough of that. It's time to get Fenris' uniform." Varric said as happy as ever save for the deepness of his voice. Fenris knew that there was going to be some work to do until his former friend would trust him again. He had left Varric to pick of the pieces. That was on fair of him.

"Come on." She took his had. Why was Hawke so happy? She should hate him. Be angry at least but it was as if he went for a day trip. Not gone for a full year.

"Welcome by all but not by Andres." He said and she laughed. The others looked back at them in shock. How long had it been since she last laughed? Varric frowned. She has been faking it so long it is hard to remember what her real laugh sounded like.

"Well not Anders. He has gotten more fanatical. The crazier Meredith gets the more ofter Justice comes to the surface." She shuddered. "We will need to talk later about things."

"Anything you ask." She stopped looking hurt. The four of them were outside the tailors. Fenris looked down. Hawke was running a thumb along his knuckles.

"Hey Hawke the others are all here. They look great." Isabella said peeking her head out of the shop.

"Jean Luc is Scion Hawke's formals ready?" Varric said. Reluctantly she went into the shop. Fenris followed. Something had gone wrong after he left. What was it?

"Yes." Hawke placed some clothes in Fenris' hands pushing him in to the change room. When he came out he saw she was in a blue that matched her eyes. The back fell to her waist. Fenris went into protection mode seeing the bandages there.

"Maker he looks like your sketch." Aveline said. The black silk suit was a similar style to his armor though the pants were not skin tight. The embroidery had started out red but one it was against his skin it was blue. It had to be the lyrium. She wore a some what matching set. Though he could say that about all of them. Each one wore a black silk suit with the Hawke family crest on it somewhere. Each one seem to match the wearers personality and skills.

"Why am I given such wonderful clothes?" He whispered. She walked up to him. "Do I deserve this?" Hawke rearranged his shoulder seams pulling lint off the arms.

"We will talk later but for right now know that you are my head of security for my household. You have a pay. A place to live as well as underlings if you wish." Head of security? Body Guard? "I can think of no one better to make sure these people don't assassinate me."

"You trust me that much?"

"Yes." She whispered. He wanted to kiss her. Anders was glaring. Merril held his hand muttering under her breath. Aveline had the look of an older sibling that had warned the younger to find it ignored. Varric had his Bianca out ready for anything.

"I party tomorrow night is going to be the best one in all Hightown history." Isabella said. Great a party. There was no place to put weapons.

"At least I will not be naked this time." He muttered heading to the change room. Hawke followed stopping him for a second to whisper in his ear.

"There is the private welcome home party later." She winked at him. Hawke still wanted him it was amazing to him. He really did not deserve her. "Varric how are the preparations going to tomorrow night?" She asked heading into his change room.

"Orana have hired another 4 servants. Which means as a housekeeper she is rather adept in running a household. She picked up her formals this morning. Gorgeous." Fenris went in after Hawke came out. As much as he wanted to see why she had bandages he also didn't want to know. He felt like he failed her.

"The entertainment has not been settled. I found some bards but they heard you were the Champion of Kirkwall than backed out." Aveline said frustrated.

"Don't worry about it. I will have that covered. Just let me got to the alienage." Something dropped. Fenris gripped the material to see the chest on his sleeve. His was different. A wolf and hawk. It was on the inside of the hem where no one would see it. On the outside a double hawk as is her real crest.

"Really. I thought that you were kidding about the dancing." Hawke laughed in the next room.

"It seems that killing and intimidating people as not the only thing that I did for Danarius." This gift was not ever going to be over looked. He needed to get to a jeweler.

"Well come out and show us what you have, Knife Ear." The same gruff voice as before commanded.

"I told you not to call him that." Fenris came out to see the man slit the side of her throat. Her body began to glow blue around her belly. No she wouldn't of. Only Danarius knew that ritual. She showed all the signs though. Maker what had Fenris allowed to happen? "Listen to me prick. I don't look to kindly of people wanting to kill my family. Tell me right now who hired you or I hand you over to someone that will not be as nice as I will be."

"There is a bounty on your head. 100 sovereigns. 75 if you are dead."

"Ave? Bella?" They left. "Varric get all the information out of him and then get rid of him. Merril, Anders, Fenris," She turned to him. "With me. We are heading back home." The angry Hawke was nothing to be trifled with. She stood in leather armor the blood on her neck. Eyes starting to fade. She used the marks. What were they for? "I need to clean up first."

"Hold on Hawke." Fenris held her still as Anders healed her neck. She smiled weakly. "What did you do Hawke?"

"I killed a bunch of people in Jean Luc's shop so I am staying to clean up." She began to clean. The frozen body parts were taken away by Merril. "Anders on second thought can you get me a crate of lyrium." The mage asked no questions.

"Make it two. She is going to need it." Justice came to the surface at the note of Fenris' voice. "We need to get you home."

"No, I am not done." Fenris pulled her hand from the last bag. "Please Fenris let me finish."

"You don't have much longer." She nodded letting a tear fall. He rushed to finish the job she started then she smiled as she fell forward. "Merril get to the house. Have Orana half fill the tub. Get as many potions as you can into the tub." Fenris swung her up in his arms. As always Hawke smelled of blood, iron, lyrium and wild flowers.

Varric met them at the door. "Is she going to be okay? I thought that it was just a nick."

"That is not what is trying to take her to the Maker now." Fenris felt her snuggle into his chest just as her hand went limp. "Orana?"

"It is ready Ser Fenris." Nothing ever changes with that girl. Now was not the right time to think about the Orana of the past. She met them on the stairs climbing it with them taking her mistress' boots off. "The leather is new so we need to get it off her before you put her in." Fenris nodded. Varric held doors. For the first time in the time that he has known the dwarf this was the first time he was speechless.

"Once we get her in the tub you are going to tell me everything I have missed. Including what brought her to this a cursed thing."

"It is a long story." Fenris looked to his friend. The look in his eyes was the same as the day that Fenris had joined Hawke's Band of Merry Men. "Okay I will tell you of what you have missed." Fenris dropped her in the tub.

"Orana, I need some parchment, quill and a pair of runners." The girl nodded leaving the room. "This is my fault isn't it?"

"For the most part you are the main reason. She wanted to be something that you would miss. She wanted you to come home and see someone you would never run from again." Varric saw the tears on the face of the elf and hated himself.

"Leaving her was the hardest thing I have ever done. I don't have the power to do it a second time. Alexandra has taken my black heart and magicked back to life. I saw things differently when I was with her. When I was away all I could think of is how to get back to her side. I found things out about myself, her and our relationship." The elf kissed their leader's forehead as she whimpered in pain.

"Elf - Fenris I don't know if you want to hear what I am about to tell you. It won't help her heal."

"Tell me anyway. I need to know. I need to understand since she knew all about this." The scrolled words across her belly were that of a spell done as his markings. The script was Elven. There were red now that the lyrium was pulled out of the spell. "I need to know why the woman I love is dying."


	6. Chapter 6

ONLY THEY KNOW

Bioware owns dragon age 2.

If i did there would be more loving Fenris moments.

Chapter 6

"Elf - Fenris I don't know if you want to hear what I am about to tell you. It won't help her heal."

"Tell me anyway. I need to know. I need to understand since she knew all about this." The scrolled words across her belly were that of a spell done as his markings. The script was Elven. There were red now that the lyrium was pulled out of the spell. "I need to know why the woman I love is dying."

"It started shortly after you left. I caught rumors of a book of Elven magic. Hawke thought that if could help Merril with her mirror but it turns out it was all about something called "The People's Love". We took it to the keeper."

"What is it?" Varric nodded to Hawke. "What he did to me had nothing to do with love."

"That is what she said." Varric sat on the floor next to the wall. "The version of the ritual that was done on you was to make you into an assassin." Fenris couldn't argue with that. As the lines got stronger he started to feel unstoppable. "Not even a day after getting the translation Leandra was kidnapped by the white lily killer." Fenris heard his dwarf friend's voice cracked.

Even after a year Varric couldn't speak of all the torture that Hawke had endured. "Varric?"

"I promised her that I wouldn't tell you." A tear rolled down his eye. "She is everything to us. Yet none of us stopped to realize what was going on with her."

"What happened?"

"Quentin pulled Hawke's unborn twins from her." Glass shattered. Orana stood at the door holding her hand over her mouth.

"I am sorry. I knew and I didn't tell anyone Ser Fenris." The girl cried before running away.

"When she fell, the mage burst into flames and there was nothing we could do. Merril and Anders agree that killing Quentin was the last thing the twins did." Varric gazed at his hands. "I held them. They were so small. Just fitting into my hands. They were holding each other. A little girl and boy both with her black hair and your ears. I never had felt so helpless. She held them we all cried at her side until nightfall."

She was pregnant! Fenris' heart stopped. He was going to be a father. A blood mage destroyed them! Fire burned around his frozen heart. Hatred for the man that killed them and their grandmother. Hatred for himself. They were his children. Conceived with the love he had for her. Yet he failed her. He failed them. "Did she name them?"

"Leto and Leandra." She rasped from the tub. "I am sorry. I am a horrible person. I shouldn't have gone into that battle." She passed out again. Fenris could do nothing but kiss her. She blamed herself for his failure.

"She has not even smiled since. Not until you came back." Varric cleaned up the glass left by Orana. Merril would be here any time and she would cut her feet on the shards. "Isabella has tried everything. Hawke won't even drink with us. Her self loathing echoes in everything that she does as of late."

"Is that was lead her to do this to herself?"

"No." The dwarf would never forget the horror of the last year. It still haunted his nights. "Hawke spent all the time at your mansion. We bought it so that you would have a real home when you came back. More than once I found her just staring at a shirt in the chair by the fire. Templars came looking for Merril. Daisy took the lead to help all the requests that were coming in. When Hawke caught wind of it she turned homicidal."

"What was she thinking?" Alexandra Hawke got angry but she always kept a cool head about her. She never let rage get to her.

"They didn't stop the blood mage that killed so many so what right did they have for hunting down a mage that was helping people." Fenris saw her point. He never would have if she wasn't in his life. "I had never seen her use anything but magic before that fight. Cullen took almost an hour to take her down."

"Knight-captain Cullen?" Fenris had sparred with Cullen. The Templar was no slouch. "He didn't arrest her?"

"When she broke out of her berserk state she told Cullen everything. It was like she was talking to you." Varric heard the elf growl. He had to smile. Fenris was jealous.

"They were teenage lovers. Cullen's father was killed by Malcolm after Cullen senior killed Alexandra's first baby. Cullen became a Templar, Hawke went into hiding. When the blight came Cullen sent a letter from the Hero of Ferelden to her. Telling her to leave."

"It seems that the Knight-captain enjoys strong mages from Hawke's family. But that is neither here or there." Merril came to the door. Anders not that far behind with Orana. Each carried a crate. "After Hawke saved Daisy she went to Marethari."

"I have never seen the keeper so willing to help a human before. Even if it was to use ancient magics." Varric stood up. Merril handed him the crate. She knelt beside Fenris checking the water temp. "Hawke has done so much for me. It was all I could do to help her. I am sorry Fenris. She thought that it was make her like you. Powerful. Then Danarius would hunt her down. Again. This time to kill him with the power he gave you."

"Again?"

"That is a story for Hawke to tell you. I don't know all the details. It would appear that he and a young elf slave came to Loithering to take her father only to find her just as powerful as her father."

"So Hawke has been with child and has lost both." Fenris turned to the mage fanatic. "Will that not cause her some damage?"

"Hawke tells me that her father healed her the first time and the second time Justice did it. She should be able to bear another child. If she wishes." Anders didn't even look at the elf as he poured the potions into the tub. "That is she survives this."

"I sent for the keeper. Varric we should go meet her. Aveline will be at the gate to keep her safe." Merril and the tear streaked dwarf left.

"I am going to the basement to make more potions. Orana I am going to need you in ten minutes." The mage left the two ex-slaves alone with Hawke. There was enough love in that room to keep her stable. Hawke didn't need his corrupted love. "Don't leave her side ever again Fenris. She won't survive next time."

"I shall never leave ever again."


End file.
